This habit is one that constantly needs work - as Dr. Pumpian said, it takes tremendous energy. I know I can get so intent on the message I want to communicate that I don’t do a good job of listening effectively. Instead of listening - and really hearing what another person is saying - I often put my energy into thinking about how I will respond, or how I will make my meaning clear. I think to make this a habit of mind I need to work on intentionally listening to make sure I am hearing the message being communicated to me.
I see this as a habit I need to work on as well as a good habit to communicate to my sons. Judith Martens, a Behavior Change Specialist, shares 4 keys to empathetic listening in her blog post on Covey’s 5th habit that I think can help me to “live” this habit. She suggests the following behaviors: (1) Mimic the content/rephrase what was said; (2) Rephrase the content/show that you are listening and that you understand; (3) Reflect on feelings/focus on the emotions rather than the words; (4) Rephrase the content and reflect the feeling/ understand the message behind the words.
I think I can teach and live this by first talking (and listening to) my sons about what empathy is and then connecting that to the idea of effective listening. I will share with them Martens’ four suggestions and share with them my goals in putting those suggestions into actions and encourage them to do the same.
Resources
(2013). Covey #5 – Seek first to understand, then to be understood ... Retrieved February 22, 2015, from http://www.behavior-change.net/covey-5-seek-first-to-understand-then-to-be-understood/.